WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
