I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
