When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
