i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
