It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
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