those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i was born a porn star she said
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
