I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
