it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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