4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
