Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Quick, to the slutcave!
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
