What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
