just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
