thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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