I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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