I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
they're like a gay fantastic four
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
