I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
