I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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