just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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