I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
