There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
