are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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