last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The air taste purple.
Randomize
