we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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