This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
