Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
