i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
