Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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