how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
