I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
