sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
