I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
