I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
