Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
