I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
