you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
