The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
