ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
