My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
