im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
