There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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