Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
