if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
