how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
