There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
