Don't you send me to vm
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
