I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
