i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
