dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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