last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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