My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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