I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
