I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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