I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
