Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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