you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
