May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Even my vagina gasped.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
