Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
