Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
