I puked a lego.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
