I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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