she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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