I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
