Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
