Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
