hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
