from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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