I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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