I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
