and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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