We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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