I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
