She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
